Day 12

Realize That Your Dissatisfaction Is Not About Your Body
"Consider that your dissatisfaction is not about your body.  When you accept that thought, what comes to mind?  What is your dissatisfaction really about?  What is it trying to tell you?  What part of your life could you address to foster more overall contentment?"


Hmm.. This is a difficult question to answer.  For approximately 20 something years of my life I convinced myself that my dissatisfaction IS about my body.  If my body was better, then my life would be better.  I would feel better.  I have been struggling the past week and a half with really bad anxiety.  I'm unsure of what that anxiety is really about and I have been trying to pinpoint my triggers.  Part of my anxiety COULD be a physiological chemical imbalance of sorts.. but is it really??  There is only one time in my life that I was close to being satisfied with my body.  In that time, I was fairly obsessed with monitoring my food and exercising like a maniac.  What if my dissatisfaction is not about my body.. but more generally just about myself.  I am dissatisfied with who I am.  I don't feel like I am the person I wish I was.  There are a few things I could address in my life to foster more contentment with who I am... First of all, I could be more creative and spend my free time engaging in hobbies instead of sitting on the computer or in front of the television.  Second of all, I could be more active and exercise more, but more specifically I would love to do yoga and meditate daily.  Thirdly, I could be more active in helping out around the apartment; cooking, cleaning, doing things for my fiance.  Fourthly, I could go out more and be more social.  And most of all, I could be less uptight and not take everything in life so seriously.  I have explained this to my therapist in the past... I would like to be more like a "hippie chick" in terms of their mindset.  Right now I feel more like an uptight, debbie downer, control freak.  That is my true dissatisfaction.  But then I wonder if that is truly just how I am... that is my personality.. and I should accept myself this way.  In thinking about what I am dissatisfied with, I am trying to think of what I am satisfied with.  Right in this moment, I am kind of in a negative mindset and I cannot really think of anything.  Think positive........... 


...Well, I am satisfied with... wow, why is this so difficult???  I will have to think more about this and come back later.  I cannot leave today's post on such a negative tone...


I am satisfied with my cat.  She is perfectly adorable.  That will have to do for now.... 


Okay, I thought of another thing.  I am satisfied with my insight and my motivation to continue working on myself.