Day 9

"What is it you are saying to yourself?  Why do you say it?  What are your emotions when you say it?"


I often say to myself "I'm fat."  I feel that I say it because:
 a) I feel I am out of shape and slightly overweight 
b) It's a habit
c) I have perfectionistic tendencies and if I don't meet up to Hollywood standards of beauty I must be fat
d) It's a way of relating to other people at times
e) I feel if I don't say it, someone else will think I'm not aware of my "fatness" problem.  I'd rather be the one to say it then have others think I'm clueless about myself.


I'm sure there's more reasons why I say it, but that's all I can think of at the moment.  My emotions when I say "I'm fat" are usually negative ones.  Sometimes I just say it out of the blue (habitually) and I may even be in a good mood at the moment.  


At this point in time, I am unhappy because I feel I am not as healthy as I could be.  I would like to feel stronger and healthier and have more energy.  That is one motivation for wanting to exercise and eat healthier foods.  But on the other hand, in the back of my mind, I still have my inner critic/perfectionism impacting some of my decisions or making me feel guilty for some decisions.  As you can see, simply saying one little phrase, "I'm fat," can have complex meanings and implications.  I feel it's important to analyze the things we say to ourselves and examine what they really mean.